I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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