bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
