you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
