That's when you crack a 10am beer
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
