Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
