Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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