She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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