this beer tastes like vomit already
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
