I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
