thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
