you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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