im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
