Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
