I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
