What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
