Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
