my phone needs a breathalizer
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize