I hope mine doesn't look like that
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
