are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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