i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
