alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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