Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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