Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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