you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
