Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
