I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
