She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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