I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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