my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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