I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
