I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize