I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
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It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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