But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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