His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have already put on my inside pants.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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