bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you mean i was at the winter classic?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
