I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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