She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
