im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
this hospital has no fireball
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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