When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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