i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
