My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
