he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
