I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
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my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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