Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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