He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
