matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize