sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
