we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
