i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
