An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
