I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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