Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
