Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
