I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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