I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
