i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
