had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
