I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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