Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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