also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
