Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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