piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
