so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
