Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
