I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
