I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
