it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
