Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
