That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
