That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
