I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
