I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
