A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
